http://www.buzzfeed.com/brynb3/10-truths-about-foster-care-ospx
Check this out. I created it. I would love to add more!
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Friday, April 18, 2014
{my journey---so far}
I blog because I can.
I blog because I'm passionate about foster care.
I blog because I want everyone to understand the journey, so everyone can make a difference.
I blog because I think everyone deserves to feel loved.
This is a story about my adventure {thus far} on spreading l o v e.
25 hours of classes + 1 fire marshall inspection + 1 safety inspection + 1 three hour interview with the foster care licensing workers = a foster care license for my home and being "ready."
But was I really ready? Did I really know how much my life was about to change? 7 months later and I can honestly say I had NO idea.
Sure, I've always loved babies. What is that song.... "...loves babies and surprises..."??? Yeah, that's me. I love kids. I am passionate about them. Kids are my passion. I decided I wanted to do foster care a LONG time ago. As a child, I wanted to be Marie Osmond. Most kids were dreaming of being Britney Spears... I wanted to be Marie. Adopting. I never questioned whether or not I could love a baby that wasn't "mine" --- unlike some of my dearest friends who questioned it... They went through surgeries and spent thousands of dollars and lots of stress... all to have babies of "their own."
I knew I could love. Enter: my first placement:: a 2 year old little Dolly. I call her a dolly- not because she's a doll- but because foster care is confidential. Everything is confidential. You are supposed to go through this journey essentially alone. It's hard. Within 48 hours of living with me, I knew I was in way over my head. I cried hysterically when I dropped her off at school on the first day {just a mere 48 hours after having met her}. As if I had had her since she was born and this was our very first time apart. So did she.
It's been 7 months since we have been doing life together. My whole life has changed. I love her and I can truly say I would keep her if it was an option. But it is not. For over the past 7 months, I have also seen and met her family. They love her. But for me, this adventure has really pushed me to ask myself all sorts of questions...
Am I hurting her by loving her?
Are kids really always better off with their bio family?
Is it fair to say that a parent can love their child but not necessarily be able to care for them?
Is it better to break the cycle?
The bottom line is... She never knew anything other than neglect for 2 years. She didn't know how to feel anything else. Now she has been filled with SO much love for 7 months... When she goes home, she will know the difference between being cared for and being neglected, being fed and being hungry, being clean and being dirty. Is it harmful? It breaks my heart to think of her back in that environment... Almost as much as it breaks my heart to think of her crying for me when I can't come help her. I sob just writing about it... Let alone living it. The truth is: I'm terrified.
You see, that's the truth about foster care. You open your heart up for heart break with someone who can never pay you back. And they don't need to. Because the pain is worth it. The risk is worth it. This Dolly is worth it. Every child is worth it.
But it's the "reunification" that is the struggle. You love a little helpless human and then give them back and pray to God that they are safe in a world where "SAFE" is in the eye of the beholder. {But that's another story}
Love,
Bryn
I blog because I'm passionate about foster care.
I blog because I want everyone to understand the journey, so everyone can make a difference.
I blog because I think everyone deserves to feel loved.
This is a story about my adventure {thus far} on spreading l o v e.
25 hours of classes + 1 fire marshall inspection + 1 safety inspection + 1 three hour interview with the foster care licensing workers = a foster care license for my home and being "ready."
But was I really ready? Did I really know how much my life was about to change? 7 months later and I can honestly say I had NO idea.
Sure, I've always loved babies. What is that song.... "...loves babies and surprises..."??? Yeah, that's me. I love kids. I am passionate about them. Kids are my passion. I decided I wanted to do foster care a LONG time ago. As a child, I wanted to be Marie Osmond. Most kids were dreaming of being Britney Spears... I wanted to be Marie. Adopting. I never questioned whether or not I could love a baby that wasn't "mine" --- unlike some of my dearest friends who questioned it... They went through surgeries and spent thousands of dollars and lots of stress... all to have babies of "their own."
I knew I could love. Enter: my first placement:: a 2 year old little Dolly. I call her a dolly- not because she's a doll- but because foster care is confidential. Everything is confidential. You are supposed to go through this journey essentially alone. It's hard. Within 48 hours of living with me, I knew I was in way over my head. I cried hysterically when I dropped her off at school on the first day {just a mere 48 hours after having met her}. As if I had had her since she was born and this was our very first time apart. So did she.
It's been 7 months since we have been doing life together. My whole life has changed. I love her and I can truly say I would keep her if it was an option. But it is not. For over the past 7 months, I have also seen and met her family. They love her. But for me, this adventure has really pushed me to ask myself all sorts of questions...
Am I hurting her by loving her?
Are kids really always better off with their bio family?
Is it fair to say that a parent can love their child but not necessarily be able to care for them?
Is it better to break the cycle?
The bottom line is... She never knew anything other than neglect for 2 years. She didn't know how to feel anything else. Now she has been filled with SO much love for 7 months... When she goes home, she will know the difference between being cared for and being neglected, being fed and being hungry, being clean and being dirty. Is it harmful? It breaks my heart to think of her back in that environment... Almost as much as it breaks my heart to think of her crying for me when I can't come help her. I sob just writing about it... Let alone living it. The truth is: I'm terrified.
You see, that's the truth about foster care. You open your heart up for heart break with someone who can never pay you back. And they don't need to. Because the pain is worth it. The risk is worth it. This Dolly is worth it. Every child is worth it.
But it's the "reunification" that is the struggle. You love a little helpless human and then give them back and pray to God that they are safe in a world where "SAFE" is in the eye of the beholder. {But that's another story}
Love,
Bryn
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)